


Failing to Act

by PhoenixNaye



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Jealous Arthur, M/M, One-sided?, Revealed Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixNaye/pseuds/PhoenixNaye
Summary: Arthur has noticed Merlin recently, and after being exposed to the true natures of his servant is left somewhat bitter. He observes who Merlin has become and watches as someone else moves in to take him away.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Mordred (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 434





	Failing to Act

When Arthur agreed to let Mordred return with them, he had felt it was the right thing to do. In fact a part of him sung for the young boy to come and see what Arthur had done for his kingdom. To show and share how much he had changed. Even with his suspicion towards magic, he knew the druids would bring no harm and he needed Mordred-someone-to see that he wasn’t like his father in those regards.

Even if Merlin’s obvious distrust had unsettled him, he chose to follow his own mind. Of course, he could not have predicted the depth of Merlin’s hate for the boy, no, that was certainly something he had not seen coming. Nor did anyone else.

Arthurs opinion of Merlin had in many ways changed over the years, much like the man himself had changed. From the initial distaste and possibly even hatred to his fondness for him as a friend soon after. He knew Merlin regarded him above others, even with his clumsy nature and coward like tendencies, Arthur had never met a braver man. He sometimes wondered how someone so unarmed and ill-skilled dared to stand up to forces well beyond his class.

Problems arouse once Arthur had been crowned King though, a wedge tore between them. Yes, he’d been the one to put it there, he was very much aware of that.

After the pain and doubt from the many betrayals had started to weigh down on his heart, pushing Merlin a way had seemed like the right thing to do. As a king, it was natural to be isolated, friends were just another word for pawns. His knights had caught on quickly that there was a difference in their status, Arthur was no longer a brother to them but a leader.

This didn’t mean much to his servant though. Merlin had never backed down from him, and even with a crown adorned on his head, his voice held no fear as he shouted back. Those less than worthy lungs drew in breath and called out for the prat king, forced him to see how stupid he was being. To turn his back to his king and stomp off, no, there would probably never be another like him in this world. His friend had forced him to see that, proven to him that he would always stand by Arthur. Not as a knight but as a friend who didn’t need to bow to show that he believed in Arthur.

He had told him he didn’t need to be like his father, it was okay to be kind.

Arthur knew, watching him now with his head thrown back laughing, eyes crinkled shut as he teased the other knights, that it was okay to listen to Merlin.

-

He couldn’t remember the last time Merlin laughed like that.

Moving about so freely and unburdened by the responsibilities that had taken their toll over the years. No, life hadn’t been kind to his friend, he knew that now. The sacrifices he had made for his king had left Merlin a twisted mess.

So maybe Arthur shouldn’t be so surprised that Merlin no longer fought to change his mind or looked at him with frustrated eyes when Arthur was being an ass. Back then Merlin would plead with him to listen to whatever ridiculous idea or theory he had concocted. Recently though, Arthur had noticed the lack of reaction from Merlin. When Arthur refused him or told him off, the most he’d be met with was a shrug or small huff, maybe if he was lucky a roll of the eyes. The look on his face often reading that he thought Arthur was being an idiot and he was off to do whatever he was going to do anyway.

And then Merlin’s magic had been revealed…

He should've been used to it at this point, honestly! To look back and see all the times it was right in front of him. It pained him to think on how he had _so_ greatly underestimated Merlin. All because he was just a servant-no because he was his friend. Awkward and funny where others were cold and stiff.

Merlin ran beside him into the face of danger unlike any servant before his time, showing such unrequired loyalty. No one had given him such dedication in all his years-even now.

The distance between them was difficult, of course it was, with all the lies Merlin had told him. Things he’d been left to suffer through, questions he had no hope to ever finding answers to. Merlin had held that knowledge.

Still, everywhere he looked Merlin was close by, showing him that even with this-he stood beside Arthur. Didn’t matter that Arthur was still sometimes bitter or shocked at Merlin’s power, he acted the part of his friend and never let Arthur forget it. Remaining nearby while giving Arthur enough space to think on what he needed.

It hadn’t been an easy feat, listening to the countless things Merlin and often Gaius told him. Revealing to him just what Merlin had been doing for him all these years. He couldn’t deny how embarrassing it was to be told just how blind he was. Thinking he’d saved his people, fooling himself into thinking he was this great warrior, when Merlin had been sacrificing everything to keep him safe.

And even as he felt the weight on his shoulders bare down on him, Merlin was still there to remind him of the things he’d done on his own. Speaking to him about the accomplishments Merlin stayed out of and how Arthur had made his kingdom prosper. He shouldn’t need those words as much as he does, clinging onto them like he craves it.

Once the anger had started to ebb away and he’d come down from the hurt he was feeling, the guilt of it all came quickly, ready to strike at his open sores. The loses for one, a girl named Freya and Lancelot, Will- the peasant from Ealdor he hardly remembered, the boy named Daegal and of course, the dragon lord. A man Merlin had hardly known but wept tears for, he should have put it together.

He kept feeling betrayed only to then question whether or not he had the right to feel this way. A strange string of thoughts he started to become accustomed to, and quite quickly. In one moment he would be reminded of a lie Merlin had told him and in the next he would notice that winters in Camelot had become less harsh over the years. When the ration numbers came back to him, he couldn’t deny the vast difference in his numbers to those of his fathers before him.

-

What tore into him though, left him shocked and nearly gasping…was Mordred, or more specifically the effect he’d had on Merlin.

Who, according to said manservant, was destined to kill him. Run him through on the battlefield. No one could tell him how things would get to that point, but it terrified Merlin. Leaving the normally kindhearted man in a wrecked state whenever the boy was too close for comfort. After an incident in training, Merlin had gone so far as to tell Arthur-in front of the knights of the round table and Mordred himself- that he would do what was necessary to ensure Arthurs safety, he swore to it.

Certainly didn’t help with the magic isn’t all evil bit he kept pushing on Arthur.

No, openly declaring he’d kill Mordred if he had to was pretty dark, surely something no one expected to hear from Merlin. Gwaine himself had some trouble laughing that off. And Mordred of course, being present, didn’t seem too pleased by the notion that he’d kill his king or what the mighty ‘Emrys’ would do to him should he try.

The druid didn’t hold back his devotion for Merlin after that, dropping the infatuation he held for Arthur almost entirely. He could always here the boy calling out to Merlin by name, gifting him with magical artifacts and the near constant assurance that he wasn’t evil. Merlin tried his best to keep Mordred at arm’s length but eventually he was worn down.

As a young knight, Mordred tended to have much more free time compared to the rest of the lot, with his only real duties being to train and all. Merlin had his own responsibilities, but they tended to go by much quicker with Arthur constantly dismissing him.

With the few who now knew of his manservants secret still acting somewhat withdrawn around him, Mordred had taken the spot left open beside Merlin. After only a few weeks the two were near inseparable. He’d never have guessed they’d buddy up like this, even with Gwen and Gwaine eventually taking the first steps to trying to understand their world.

Merlin had hated the him-

There was no denying it now though, not with how tenderly Merlin cared for the other. He watched his servant ruffle Mordred’s hair and the way the boy’s face lit up with a smile he only showed to Merlin. No, denial was no longer an option.

In a matter of weeks he’d learned Merlin had magic, they both were a part of a prophecy, a prophecy that included Mordred and Morgana turning against him. And then there was Merlin, his best friend-his literal other half, was falling in love.

The love aspect hadn’t happened so quickly, not with how distant Merlin had been at first. But now, that was a different story entirely.

Dealing with so many negative emotions at once should be enough to put him down, really it should. Yet here is, still breathing and trying to hold his own against the one enemy he can’t smack away with his sword. A sword that Merlin had chosen to give him by the way.

It was ridiculous how much of his life had been touched by the man before him, but here he was! Openly flirting with the kid who was supposed to be the enemy. And if he could, if the fates would let him, he’d go back in time and knock himself round a few times. What kind of a fool was he, to realize so much so late, to allow for this to unfold right before him?

Outside of the short and petty remarks thrown at Merlin and the snappy barks at Mordred, there was nothing more he could do. Neither were aware-well Mordred probably was. He doubts it matters much to the druid that Merlin was a man either.

Looking over Merlin’s body- there was no mistaking it. Tall and somewhat buff after all these years. He was well fed, lean and no longer lanky. When Arthur bumped into him, he didn’t flail or stumble like he used to, he pushed back. His body was hard in a way it wasn’t before. Not quite as muscular as the rest of the knights but the evidence was there.

Merlin was probably soft in ways men normally weren’t, he’d always been gentle compared to someone like Arthur. It didn’t make sense for him to feel or be like other men. No doubt he wasn’t the only one to notice a change in his servants’ appearance, hell he was probably responsible for it. Pointlessly training in hopes that Merlin would be able to protect himself one day. If only he’d known, his friend had the power to end wars in a matter of minutes, what could Arthur possibly teach him?

Though who would suspect anything by looking at him, his clothes hadn’t changed. Though he fit them better and his personality was still the same. As kind as ever but not with a coldness to him, that hadn't been there before.

Magic was something he still felt unsure about, and he couldn’t legalize the practice of it-not yet. But Merlin made him want to. He foolishly wanted to hand everything to him, give him back everything he’d given Arthur.

“Mordred, stop it!” Merlin laughed, leaning against Gwaine to try and stay standing. Looking just ridiculous and beautiful at the same time. Mordred had his armor all messed up, whining with a huge grin for Merlin to help him. An action he wouldn’t normally see from the boy.

But Merlin didn’t want all Arthur could give him. Not unless it started and ended with legalizing magic- anything apart from that he had Mordred.

If Arthur would have seen sooner just how much that realization would hurt, none of this would have ever happened. He wouldn’t have allowed it.

“Just fasten it for me, just this once, please _Emrys_?” Mordred said, doing some weird wiggle with his body towards Merlin. Gwaine and his servant just laughed, while Merlin shoved Mordred’s face away playfully.

Merlin didn’t touch him like that, it was usually Arthur who initiated the skin ship between them. Everything’s always so complicated with them, messy. With Mordred, Merlin could do whatever he liked. That included everything from inside jokes to lingering touches that promised more.

“Hurry up Merlin, help him out!” Gwaine exclaimed, pushing Merlin closer to the druid until he was practically in Mordred’s arms. Arthur could feel his body tensing, eyes narrowing at his fellow knight. Because why wouldn’t Gwaine cause trouble.

And sure, Merlin was happy. The tips of his ears going pink as he pulled away told him everything he needed to know. Merlin wasn’t easily embarrassed, no-he could take a lot. Shy? Not in the idiot’s vocabulary. Probably why him and Gwaine got on so well, didn’t have a drop of shame in their blood. The norms were considered a worthy challenging to the two and if a situation got tense, a good laugh fixed it up.

He missed hearing Merlin laugh so openly, it was deeper than before and his stretched-out smile made Arthur want to join in. Maybe lose himself in it for just a little while before reality came crawling back.

If only Arthur had known-and he should’ve, he should’ve noticed something.

He could see the mock irritation in Merlin’s face as he reached over for Mordred’s armor, huffing and grumbling but his lips soon tugging up into a smile. His voice came out playful, and his eyes were shining with mischief. “If I wasn’t around how would you lot survive?”

“Whoa, that’s a bit much.” Percival smirked over at them, giving Merlin a teasing stare.

“I don’t think so.” Mordred turned towards the large man, “He saved you from that axe earlier.”

“And me from the two who hid in the bushes.” Gwaine added, his own smirk coming out to play.

The men went on to tease each other, based on Merlin’s victories but Arthur stayed focused on his servant. The look of utter happiness and acceptance he had to feel.

Arthur himself still found it odd whenever Merlin used magic, despite how useful it proved. Sorcery itself wasn’t to blame, he could see that now, as could everyone else amongst them. All of them had been saved by Merlin, that couldn’t go unseen anymore.

Mordred turned to give Merlin a smile, the rest of the knights arguing about something stupid. The look shared between the two sorcerers was much to intimate for such an open area.

“Merlin!” Arthur called before he could stop himself, had they gotten closer? So soon? Two sets of eyes turned towards him and he gulped, unsure of just what he wanted. “Follow me.” He said, standing to his full height, brushing away the dirt from his back side as he did so.

“Everything okay, Arthur?” Merlin asked, already walking over to him, checking him over as he did so. He didn’t need to feel such joy at the attention or the look of disappointment on Mordred’s face as Merlin moved further away from him.

“Walk with me for a minute?” He asked and waited until Merlin was close enough to toss an arm around his shoulders, guiding him toward the stream they had made camp next to.

He took a chance and peaked over his shoulder; his eyes met Mordred’s for just a moment before he turned back. Could he know?

“I’m not good at healing spells but-” Merlin started, a nervous laugh coming out.

“Where did your confidence go?” Arthur teased, pressing closer to Merlin. “There’s nothing but a scratch left.”

He purposely waved his arm around where he had been hit by an arrow, and just as he expected Merlin panicked.

“Don’t! You shouldn’t have gotten hurt.” He scolded while trying to force him still.

Merlin was like that, constantly thinking Arthur should just stay in his room where Merlin could cover him in protective spells. Sometimes Arthur felt more like a child than a king when Merlin spoke to him.

“You need to be more careful, who are you showing off for? Really.” Merlin tsked at him but Arthur just laughed.

He liked it best when Merlin’s attention was all on him, even if it was to scold him.

“Can’t leave all the fun to you, now can I?”

Why couldn’t it be him? Merlin cared for him-it wasn’t just destiny or obligation. He knew Merlin and Merlin knew him, so why Mordred?

“I don’t know what fun you think I’m having.” Merlin said with a loud breathy laugh, the ends of his hair brushing against Arthurs arm as his head tilted back.

Arthur can make him laugh loud too.

“Come on! You were amazing out their Merlin.”

God was the look Merlin gave him worth it, the way he stared deep inside him.

“Arthur?”

He shook his head, trying to push away the tightness in his chest. If he got to lost in how Merlin’s breath was washing over his face he might just die.

“Yeah...I know, its late, but you really are special Merlin. I’m proud to have you by my side.”

Of course he was proud of his friend, it’s the reason why he couldn’t do anything. He had to stay away for Merlin’s sake.

Merlin deserved to be who he wanted and with whoever was blessed enough to gain his favor. It hurts, there’s no point in denying that, and while on several nights he fantasizes of how that day in the cave would go different if given the chance, he knew he had to let his friend go.

Merlin loved him, and he loved Merlin, but his friend was falling in love with someone in a way that he couldn’t with Arthur.

Arthur’s a king, and Gwen…. what would he do if she ever found out? His wife, the women he had pledge himself to. Promised an oath to always remain faithful until death and yet here he was-yearning for another man. A man he had no hope of obtaining. Even if he never acted on it, this betrayal would not be forgiven should anyone find out.

He looked over to see Merlin looking away, no doubt tearing up, he couldn’t help giving him a small shake. “I just needed to let you know Merlin, don’t ever change.”

Merlin elbowed him but kept his face turned away. Although Arthur couldn’t see his face but if the shaky breaths and small tremors were anything to go by, Merlin wasn’t expecting such words today.

Mordred might be able to take Merlin away from him, but this part belonged to Arthur. It always would. He had the power to make or break Merlin and no man, women or creator could take that away from him.

According to Merlin they were meant to stand together, forever and always. So he could wait. If that meant he’d have to let go of Merlin for now, he could do that. Because Merlin would stand by him in the next life, and he would stand by Merlin.


End file.
